Since my last post I have truly set out on the road toward lung transplant. I had my assessment week in Toronto during May. It went quite well from our perspective: we met a lot of the team, and some other possible candidates; we got to know more of the hospital and recieved many friendly offers to help us navigate when lost; I had enough energy to enjoy some downtime exploring areas of downtown that I hadn't been to before; and in general my mom and I loved having extended time to connect. The week was steeped in peace.
Over the last 6 weeks I have been waiting to hear about a decision, whether I'll be admitted into the transplant program or not, and then whether I'm ready to be listed yet. It is weird to wait for such life-altering news. So much hinges on that outcome. It has felt like we can't make many plans because almost everything is up in the air. In some ways this is tough, especially for a planner like me who loves to always be moving forward.
Unexpectedly this time of limbo has been rich. My health is holding steady and I'm finding rhythms of work and connection with my community that are life-giving in a simpler and deeper way. My capacity is expanding rather than shrinking from anxiety of the unknown. The waiting seems to be focusing my attention on what I can do and investing where I am instead of looking ahead. Slowing down is showing me to value opportunities, moments, tasks for themselves, not always needing to precisely place things in a bigger, busy picture.
Today we are road-tripping and hit some slow traffic. It gave me time to reflect on this journey and the joy I'm finding in the waiting, doing what I can while I have this focused lens. I'm enjoying each breath, talking with my hubby, thinking, and reveling in beautiful summer days.
